on dreams

I keep having these dreams of dreaming and then something is weird, off, or just unsettling and I eventually wake up. I dream of waking up from dreams.

Now I just woke up from this dream where I was convinced I was hallucinating from the lack of sleep, because in my dream I had woken up but things weren’t quite as they are supposed to be, I would be seeing and talking to people I knew weren’t there. I even touched someone who shouldn’t be there to prove to myself that was a dream, and when I could feel the touch I concluded I was hallucinating because I had just woken up.

And then I woke up for real.
I always had incredibly accurate dreams that revealed themselves for what they are when some detail is suddenly weird – once I knew I was dreaming because the words printed on the book I was reading changed while I was reading them – and I do have lucid dreams sometimes, but only recently I started to have these Inception style dreams in which the inner dreams are both very realistic and then weirdly off, and at the same time lucid.

These are very, very unsettling. Why can’t I just dream of puppies or ice cream or being a rockstar of whatever the fuck everyone else dreams about.